Cannon Fodder
by TM LB
Summary: Celtic Guardian fanfic. Rated for later chappies. Angst, Shounen Ai, Humour and of course Anzu bashing. Complete - thank you for all the reviews!
1. Angst

**Author Note:**

Welcome to an exclusive Muffin fanfic! That's right, this fanfic was solely written by me!…well ok, so Lightning Baron did write the duel between Anzu and Yugi which will be appearing in chapter 3 (LB: I sure did you glory hogging hussy!) because LB's knowledge of the card game is far superior to mine (LB: *sniggers*)…but that's not the point! Basically this fic is a result of waiting for LB to finish chapter 3 of Ancient Reflections combined with pity for the Celtic Guardian…just watched the episode where Yugi duels that annoying little blond girl who accuses his grandpa of stealing her Blue Eyes…poor Celtic Guardian! *cries* Celtic Guardian go bye bye *sniffles*

Anyway, the fic will be split into 3 chapters, each with a different style. The difference in style is probably simply due to the mood I'm in at the time I write the chapter….i get a bit carried away with Anzu bashing *sweat drops* but _officially_ I wanted to try and see if a variance in genre would add to the effect of the fic by mirroring the mood of the situation therefore emphasising the emotions that I wish you to experience during those sections…honest.

**Disclaimer: **The Muffin doesn't own Yugioh, Lightning Baron doesn't own Yugioh, Richard Branson doesn't own Yugioh, Kazuki Takahashi doesn't own Yugioh…wait a minute…Kazuki Takahashi **does** own Yugioh but my dead goldfish doesn't. (LB: Get on with it!)

**Additional note:** This fic contains (or at least it will contain) Shonen Ai, implied Yaoi and Anzu bashing…some mild Yugi bashing too…please don't hurt me *cowers away from advancing Anzu and Yugi fans in fear*

Usual naming system applies: Yugi Mutou = Yugi, Yami Yugi = Yami, Ryou Bakura = Ryou, Yami Bakura = Bakura, Malik = Malik, Yami Malik = Marik, Tea = Anzu (mostly :p). 

Now we have that sorted, on with the fic!

**Cannon Fodder** by The Muffin 

Chapter 1 - Angst

"Celtic Guardian in attack mode!" the strong, deviant voice of Yami called out through the young Mutou's body as he lay the card in question face up on the field.

From the face of the card, in a mass of holographic swirls, the stature of a tall and handsome young boy wielding a sword emerged. His golden hair, framed by the ceremonial jade helmet, loosely brushed against the tops of his armoured shoulders. His painted face a set mask of stern concentration. The handle of his sword gripped tightly in an uncovered hand, prepared for action. He was ready. 

"I sacrifice Celtic Guardian to summon the Dark Magician!" the voice boomed once again.

The holographic image blinked "Sacrifice?!" 

Just as soon as he had appeared, the confused golden-headed warrior felt his forged limbs deconstruct pixel by pixel as his card was unceremoniously sent to the graveyard. 

The guardian elf sat on the gravestone and stared at his feet miserably. Once again he was sitting alone in this barren place; the home of defeated cards. Being destroyed in an assault was one thing, defeat in a frontal attack by a much stronger opponent had some vague form of respect, but sacrificed?! And for the Dark Magician even! 

"That purple, arrogant jerk!" the young elf spat. Despite the harshness of his words, the spectre's voice was soft and smooth, bell-like even, very unlike the voice of a hardened warrior. But then again, he wasn't really a 'hardened' warrior. What was it that whiny girl said? "Just a pretty face"? 

"Hmph! At least I have a pretty face." He muttered darkly, the chime of his sweet voice bouncing off the surrounding tombstones and disappearing into the dark oblivion of the graveyard. 

The image of the brown haired witch fluttered before the downtrodden warrior, grinning broadly. Looking at it made him feel sick to his stomach and he desperately tried to swat the apparition away with the sharpened blade of his sword. 

Once the ghoul had been dealt with, the Celtic Guardian threw his sword down to the ground in frustration. It was bad enough to be ridiculed by his master's friends but now even his comrades had begun to loose respect for the jaded warrior. The sniggers and taunts he got from the other cards as he neared them was heart wrenching. "Cannon Fodder" they would say, "Decoy". The shame was almost unbearable. Obviously they all thought his large pointed ears were just for show… or maybe they just didn't care. 

The Celtic Guardian looked up and surveyed the surrounding landscape. He hated this place. He would have thought that he'd have gotten used to it by now but that was not the case. The dark and lonely atmosphere still bothered him as much as it had done the first time. He shook his head.

"Sacrificed…"

Moments later, the shadowy landscape of the graveyard began to dissolve signifying that it was the end of the duel. A victory for his master no doubt and no bonus points for guessing which card gave the final blow. Stupid Spellcaster. 

The dark and murky graveyard disappeared and the Celtic Guardian found himself back within the confines of Yugi's deck; although now he was starting to wish he wasn't. Some distance across the barren space that made up part of the cards resting place, he could see a crowd of figures huddled in a tight fitted group, chatting excitedly. At the centre of the group, not showing any indication of hearing the praise being showered upon him, stood the static, composed figure of the Dark Magician. The constant praise didn't seem to move him, in fact, the legendary magic user didn't seem to notice his admirers at all. Rather he was staring unblinkingly past the various babbling shapes, some large, some small, some man shaped, some barely distinguishable as shapes at all, and straight into the eyes of the isolated elf. The Celtic Guardian stared back at the superior card with utter contempt. He didn't like the way the Dark Magician always seemed to be staring at him like that. Every time he was near the magician, even when they were in the same hand or both out on the field, the low level warrior could not help but feel those piercing blue eyes upon him, scrutinising him. 

"Probably thinks he's too good for me… disgusted by my very 'weak' presence." The demoralised card rationalised.

The Celtic Guardian hastily turned his back on the rabble and the icy stare of the Dark Magician; he was tired and needed to rest. Avoiding the Reaper of Cards did take a lot out of you. 

"Why not just leave?" a small voice whispered.

The elven warrior hesitated for a second then looked around suspiciously but his golden eyes could detect nothing other than the praising rabble on the other side of the void. The Celtic Guardian blinked as he strained his slender elven ears to hear the sound again…nothing. He may have imagined it…he was tired…but now that he thought about it the voice did have a point. If he hated it so much here, why didn't he just leave? The outside world couldn't be any worse than here…for starters there was no Dark Magician and no sacrifices. The answer was obvious. Because it was forbidden. 

"But why?" Because the Dark Magician… said so… That was right. The Dark Magician had forbidden any card to leave the deck other than during duels or by some other command of Yugi's but he had never given any of them a reason. The other cards just fell to their knees, licked his boots and agreed. 

Not this card though. The Celtic Guardian was going to the outside world. He would have to do it discretely though. He didn't want to risk one of the Dark Magician's devoted followers getting any strange notions about carrying out their prodigy's orders. 

The Celtic Guardian quickly glanced over to the rabble of groupies. Fortunately for him they were all too busy drooling over their idol to even notice. If the Celtic Guardian was going to leave, then he would have to do it now. Even the most loyal fan eventually got bored of praising.

The Dark Magician watched as the Celtic Guardian disappeared from sight. His cool blue eyes transfixed yet, as always, unmoving. 


	2. Freedom

**Author notes: **

Well first of all I'd like to thank you peeps for the wonderful feedback. I didn't think that this fic would do too well but it's turning out to be more popular than I thought it would be ^^. I originally planned to keep this a short 3 chappie fic… but now I'm tempted to make it a little longer… so…tempted! Looks like I'm going to have to postpone LB's Yugi/Anzu battle a little (LB: *sniffs*) Hmm… keep to 3 chappies or make it longer? Decisions, decisions… 

**random thought** I was listening to Malice Mizer while I wrote this chappie… I wonder if that affected the style… Eh hem. Anyway please keep the reviews coming. 

More reviews = TM happy = More chappies. 

*clears throat* On with the fic!

**Chapter 2 **by The Muffin 

The Celtic Guardian was surprised at how easy it was for him to escape the barriers of the deck. No ritual, no spell, no bizarre composition of body movements. All it took was an insatiable desire to leave and a little focus to create a rip to the outside world. No wonder the Dark Magician forbade anyone to even attempt leaving. If they all knew how easy it was, then there wouldn't be any cards left for Yugi to duel with. With one last glance around to check that he wasn't being observed, the Celtic Guardian closed his eyes and stepped through the opening created by his own determination, which, just as soon as it had appeared, closed behind him.

The warrior's eyelids flickered open revealing a small blue room. The Celtic Guardian remembered it from back in the early days, the days when Yugi would sit on his bed and look at each individual card over and over again, taking in their intricate colours, his dark eyes, scouring each smooth surface, full of emotion. Not anymore though. Now that privilege was reserved solely for his better cards and particularly for you know who. 

The long slender ears of the elf pricked as he heard movement coming from outside the room. The familiar chorus of voices revealed that it was in fact his master, Yugi, and his friends coming upstairs to check out Yugi's newest game. The elf panicked and looked frantically around for a place to hide. How on earth would he explain himself if they caught him? Suddenly, a small breeze caught his scattered attention. The window was open. The Celtic Guardian ran over to the window and peered uncertainly over the ledge. His master's room was on the top floor so the drop was pretty far. The elf's muscles twitched in hesitation as the height below seemed to increase the more he looked down upon it. Then the door handle began to turn and he knew he was out of time. With a bolt of desperation, the renegade spirit scrambled up onto the window ledge and threw himself into the breeze of the outside world. With agility that surprised even himself, the elf landed gracefully and unnoticed on the grass below. He glanced back up at the window above and hesitated for a moment trying to collect his thoughts. 

The afternoon sun shone brightly as the spirit made his way out into the streets of Domino.

#*#*#*#

The world of his master was quite different to what the Celtic Guardian had been expecting. For starters there were a lot more people and they were all… moving. People passed before him and around him seemingly with no real destination… just…walking. There were also a lot of unfamiliar sounds, such as sirens and motorbikes, that caused the warey elf to keep his guard up. Many people stopped in their tracks and stared in bemusement at the passing elf though soon lost interest and carried about their own business putting it down to a private costume party of some sort or another. However, the Celtic Guardian was oblivious to the attention he was receiving as he continued to amble down the street gazing in awe at the passing cars and various advertising boards. 

"I place Worm Drake in attack mode!" 

The command stopped the Celtic Guardian in his tracks and he spun round quickly to see where the voice was emanating from. Before his eyes loomed a large flat screen bearing the image of two duelists seated either side of a large arena. The slivering form of a Worm Drake uncoiled itself in front of a rather arrogant looking boy and took its position next to the face down card beside it. The Celtic Guardian took a step towards it only to find himself being repelled by some invisible force. 

"Now my reptilian servant!" the boy snarled superciliously, "Attack the face down card on the left!" 

Obediently, the Worm Drake charged for the face down card and took it out in one hit. The squat form of a High Tide Gyojin appeared and just as abruptly shattered into pieces. The opposing duelist, a fair-haired girl with thick-rimmed glasses, grimaced as she watched her card's destruction. 

"You might as well give up now, little girl!" the owner of the Worm Drake jeered haughtily. "Let us real duelists have our space!"

The female duelist shrugged off her opponent's tauntings then drew her next card, hesitating slightly before peering down at card through her circular lenses. A broad smile lit across the girl's freckled face as she added the new card to her hand.

"Hah! You've had it now!" the female duelist declared triumphantly as she turned over her other face down card to reveal the Magical Ghost. "Now, I play the magic card soul exchange, and sacrifice your face down creature and my Magical Ghost to bring out… the Dark Magician!"

The Celtic Guardian frowned as the Magical Ghost was discarded and replaced with the card the duelist had just acquired. The materialisation of the green skinned spellcaster triggered a barrage of cheers and hollers from the spectators as it launched into a full on attack. The crowd then let out a fanatical cheer as the form of the Worm Drake crumbled before the onslaught of the green skinned dark magician. 

The observant warrior emitted a low growl of frustration as he pressed his hands and face against the glass separating him from the screen. It wasn't just his master; even out here the Dark Magician was unjustly praised. The Celtic Guardian glowered at the close up of the magician's smug face when a sharp tug distracted him. 

"Wow! Cool costume, Mister!"

The Celtic Guardian's bright yellow eyes fell on a small human boy who was yanking excitedly at the deep purple cloak that trailed freely behind the powerful looking warrior.

"Costume?" the elf blinked bewilderedly. 

"Oh cooool!" the child squealed ignoring the elf's puzzled expression, "Is this a real sword?!"

The child reached out to touch the sheathed weapon when with lightning fast reflexes, the Celtic Guardian leapt back and grabbed the hilt of his sword instinctively. The child stared at the elf in astonishment then let out an excited squeal. 

"Wo---ow!! You even have the part sorted! Please, you have to come and meet my friends!"

Before he knew what was going on, the Celtic Guardian found himself being dragged in the direction of the arcade across the street where four boys were crowded around a large box with strange noses emanating from it. 

"Hey guys! Guys!" the child called as he approached the group dragging the confused Celtic Guardian behind him, "Check this out!"

Irritably, the boys pulled their attention from the box and turned ready to yell at the boy who had dared to interrupt their enjoyment. However, once their eyes fell upon the tall, muscular form of the armoured elf, their expressions quickly changed from that of frustration to that of utter disbelief. Within moments, the bemused card spirit found himself surrounded by poking fingers and awed gasps.  

"See? See?" the boy who had dragged him over was harping on, "I told you I saw the Celtic Guardian!"

The Celtic Guardian shuffled uncomfortably. He wasn't used to getting all this attention at once and he found himself wondering if the Dark Magician ever felt this exposed when he was being showered with praise by the other cards. The Celtic Guardian shook his head quickly. How could he think of the Dark Magician now? All that was behind him. His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the tallest of the boys, who the Celtic Guardian assumed to be their leader, asking if he had made the outfit himself. Not knowing what else to say, the Celtic Guardian cleared his throat then shakily replied with a yes and an incline of his head. This response seemed to please the boys greatly and the Celtic Guardian sighed with relief. 

"You wanna play?" 

The voice was that of the first boy. He was looking up hopefully at the Celtic Guardian's face and pointing to the large box that chimed and bleeped constantly. 

"P-Play?"

"Yeah, you know, a computer game."

The Celtic Guardian peered at the screen inquisitively. The words 'Duel Monsters: Final Bout' where highlighted in bold red letters with the 'insert coin' message flashing beneath it. 

"What is it?"

This innocent question was met with sniggers by two of the boys but they were soon silenced by the cold glare of their leader who had decided to take command of instructing their new cosplaying friend in the ways of gamming. 

"It's Duel Monsters the video game… a beat 'em up." He stated matter-of-factly. The Celtic Guardian's expression remained the same. The leader sighed helplessly. "Here, let me show you." 

The boy stood in front of the box and placed his hands on the small set of controls. He selected Giltea The Knight from the character screen then proceeded to show the Celtic Guardian the basics. The elven warrior was speechless as he watched his old companion, Giltea, defeat monster after monster with a few carefully placed swings of his weapon.

"There, you see?" the leader beamed as he finished beating the life into the digital form of The Witty Phantom. "Nothing to it. Now you try."

Hesitant at first, the Celtic Guardian took his place in front of the controls and stared blankly at the screen before him. 

"Right… now you need to select your character." The bewildered warrior cautiously tapped the stick in front of him then jumped in surprise as the icon on the screen moved along in accordance to it. The boy patted the armoured shoulder of the elf reassuringly "Great. Now just move it over who you want to play then press that button there."

Obediently, the Celtic Guardian moved the select icon over the varying characters then came to a stop over his own.

"T-That's me!" he gaped and without a seconds thought he was pressing the button indicated to him by the boy earlier. 

"Excellent." the boy grinned encouragingly. "Now I'm sure you know what to do from here. Just like I showed you." 

The boys huddled around the Celtic Guardian peering at the screen with intensive eyes, eager to see which character the game would chose to be the beginners first opponent. 

"The Dark Magican?!" one of the boys gaped as the cool blue eyes of the renowned spellcaster appeared on the screen before them, "Tough luck!"

"Yeah" the boy the Celtic Guardian had first met chimed in, "The Dark Magician isn't an easy one to beat."

"Maybe you should restart and get a different opponent?" the third boy suggested. 

"Not on your life." the warrior growled. Bitter feelings of rivalry began to well up inside of him as he glared at the digital image of the purple clothed mage looking as emotionless and uncaring as he did in real life. The Celtic Guardian's eyes narrowed with determination. Now was the chance for payback. 

The count down ended…… and within seconds the Celtic Guardian was KO'd on the ground, Pegasus' belittling laugh floating up from the speakers. This however only worked to harden the warrior's resolve….

#*#*#*#

Half an hour later and they were still crowded around the game, the Celtic Guardian beating away at the controls. 

"Amazing!" one of the boys breathed in admiration. "Not only did you manage to wipe the floor with the Dark Magician, but you've also managed to clear practically every single level…on hard mode even!" 

"I taught him everything he knows." the leader boy stated proudly. 

"Ahahahahaha!! Take this, Gaia! A mere elf, am I? I'll show you!" the Celtic Guardian's challenge was followed by the whimsical sound of Pegasus' voice declaring "KO" and the resounding cheers of the young onlookers. 

"Senpai, you rock!"

"Why thank you, Subaru-kun." the Celtic Guardian smiled brightly at the first boy he met, only taking his focus off the screen for a second. "As soon as you master the balance between pressure and speed while exerting the quarter circle back, combo moves are simple!"

The Celtic Guardian was well on his way to obtaining another victory when one of the boys tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey, CG-san, is that a friend of yours?"

"Huh?" The Celtic Guardian paused the game then turned to see who the child was referring to. Across the other side of the road, oblivious to people around him pointing and muttering, his cool blue eyes transfixed on the muscular form standing amidst the group of young boys, stood the imposing form of the Dark Magician.


	3. Stealth

**Author Notes:**

Wow… lots of people want to see a Ryou and Celtic Guardian pairing… come to think of it that is not such a bad idea… *imagines the Celtic Guardian wrapping his cloak protectively about Ryou and sighs dreamily* (LB: @_____@ Wo----ow that would be so cool!!) Eh hem… however, the final chappie for this fic has already been written… I have this weird habit of writing the beginning and end first then the middle :s… But do not fear my wonderful Ryou/CG fans! You have filled my heart with inspiration and, with the help of LB, am now determined to start work on a Ryou/CG fanfic the moment I've completed this one! *opens up Word and starts making notes for the new RxCG fic* 

Anyway back to THIS fic. I wrote this chapter while camping in the New Forest surrounded by vampire ponies. Those evil ponies tried to eat my fic! Damn those evil vampire ponies *shakes fist at the evil vampiric ponies* Anyway, I managed to save my fic from the jaws of demonic pony-induced oblivion and here it is. I decided to add this bit since peeps seem to be enjoying CG-san's adventures in the real world… but I've promised LB that this will be the last time I'll put back her wonderful duel she oh so kindly wrote for me. (LB: *glares*) Erm…*sweatdrops* Once again thank you for the reviews and now on with the fic!

**Extra note:** Sorry about all the Tokyo Babylon references… I'm obsessed

**Disclaimer:** The Muffin does not own Yu-Gi-Oh or Tokyo Babylon. If I did, shounen ai would rule the world of Duel Monsters and Subaru & Seishirou would now be happily married.

**Chapter 3** by The Muffin

The Celtic Guardian's stomach churned as the familiar, cold, blue eyes burned into his skin. One of the other cards must have seen him leave and alerted the Dark Magician, either that or Yugi himself had noticed the absence of his usual decoy and so loyally the Dark Magician took it upon himself to find and retrieve the awol spirit. Either way the outcome would be the same. The Dark Magician was going to bring the Celtic Guardian back to the deck… by his pointy ears if necessary. 

The Celtic Guardian's hand twitched towards the hilt of his blade as he and his seven-starred opponent continued to lock gazes unyieldingly. Then the elvern warrior did the only thing he could do… he ran. 

"Hey, senpai! Where are you going?" 

However, Subaru's call was drowned out by the distance as the Celtic Guardian took off down the street, narrowly avoiding pedestrians and ignoring their disapproving looks. He felt ashamed of himself for fleeing like this but the Dark Magician was far superior to the fair-haired warrior in terms of both attack and defence. A direct assault on his part would mean suicide, or worse, a one-way trip back to Yugi's deck. 

The Celtic Guardian finally came to a stop outside of Domino Park where he leaned against a large bronze statue of a Tanuki and attempted to catch his breath. As far as he could tell, he had lost his purple clad pursuer some time back but realised that the next time he might not be so lucky. It wouldn't be hard for the Dark Magician to relocate him. Large armour wearing warrior elves with purple face markings weren't exactly a common site in this world. The Celtic Guardian figured that a disguise of some sort would be the best option for the time being. His sharp, yellow eyes scanned the area desperately for something to help him blend in with the natives. That's when he saw it. Just outside the park gates, huddled in shiny black plastic, sat an old, dishevelled looking man with black messy hair and a stubbly beard. However, despite his outlandish appearance, nobody other than the elf seemed to be able to see him. The Celtic Guardian stood contemplating the unusual looking man when it suddenly dawned on him that it must be due the shiny black cloak-like thing the man was wearing. That seemed to be the only difference between this man and the other humans other than his age… but Yugi's grandfather was old and he wasn't ignored this much so it must be due to the garments. Upon further inspection, the Celtic Guardian also realised that animals seemed to be aware of the man's presence as well as himself so the cloak must only work on humans… and the Dark Magician was human, right?

The Celtic Guardian cautiously made his way over to the man and bowed deeply. The man slowly raised his head and stared critically at the tall costumed boy bowing before him.

"Excuse me, kind and powerful Sir." The Celtic Guardian's voice rang politely as he rose from his humble bow. "I'm sorry to disturb you but I am in desperate need of your services."

The man raised an eyebrow but said nothing. The Celtic Guardian took this as a sign to continue.

"You see, I'm being hunted… unjustly… and I am in desperate need of one of your magical capes if you have one to spare." the elf explained pointing to the bin liner fluttering about the man's feet. The man looked at the bag then back to the odd looking boy lost for words. The Celtic Guardian mistook this sign of bewilderment for one of displeasure. "Not for free of course!" he added hastily. 

The man nodded, dumbfounded by the boy's request, and handed the discarded black bag over to the elf quickly. He had been on the streets long enough to know not to anger weirdos… and this one was as weird as they came. The Celtic Guardian accepted the "cloak" and wrapped it around himself, fastening it tightly round his neck with a small knot. 

"Thank you! Thank you!" the elf beamed gratefully. However, the man didn't seem to have heard him as he was now looking at the floor wishing for the strange looking boy to go away.

_"It must be working already!"_ the Celtic Guardian concluded happily. 

The fair-haired elf now had the problem of repaying the man for his kindness. His warrior pride would not allow him to just take the cloak, especially not after he told the man he would pay for it. The Celtic Guardian searched his armour frantically for a suitable gift but had to settle for one of his golden rings. It wasn't much but it was a start. With a smile, he placed the ring down in front of the man and made his way into the park leaving behind one very ecstatic acquaintance

#*#*#*#

Ryou Bakura and Malik Ishtar faced a rather annoying dilemma. They had come to Domino Park with the intension of going on a pleasant boat ride only to loose their yamis to temptation. It had only been a few minutes after they had arrived at the lake when Bakura and Marik had spotted their prey, two sweet old ladies sitting peacefully on a bench, and immediately they swooped in for the kill. Now Marik was seated between the two distressed pensioners, his arms over both their shoulders and cooing in their ears, while Bakura eyed the yapping Yorkshire Terriers hungrily. Usually this wouldn't have bothered the two hikaris. Sure there was the problem of them having to convince people that it wasn't them who had raided the butchers shop or scrawled hieroglyphic slang all over the Egyptian exhibit at the museum, but it at least gave them a break from their overzealous yamis. Unfortunately this time they could not ignore the absence of their yamis because the minimum requirement for a boat ride was three. Ryou was most put off, to the point where he was almost in tears, as he had been looking forward to sailing across the lake with his three bestest chums since he had seen it advertised in the local newspaper a few days prior. Even Malik, who had been insisting that floating across a rat-infested cesspool was something he could quite easily do at home, was secretly crushed and was now slumped down on the grass muttering Egyptian curses darkly under his breath. Ryou, however, was not deterred. He stood gazing around the park desperate for a solution and, much to his surprise, he soon found one. A few yards away, walking alone and seemingly aimlessly beneath the fragrant sakura trees, was an armoured elf wearing a bin liner. Ryou's heart instantly went out to this lonesome wanderer.

"Aww… he looks so lonely." Ryou sighed, his voice filled with concern. Malik looked up grudgingly and over at the subject of Ryou's attension. Upon setting eyes on the "magical cape" of the elaborately dressed stranger, Malik frowned distastefully.  

"He looks more loony than lonely." Malik muttered before returning to his cursing. He knew it wasn't a very witty remark but the blonde Egyptian was too fed up to care. 

"Don't be so cruel, Malik-kun." Ryou chided softly receiving a roll of the eyes from his fellow hikari. "He looks so sad walking all by himself… I'm going to go and talk to him"

Malik, who had been chewing boredly on a mouthful of grass, choked.

"You what?!" he exclaimed spitting out the last few semi-chewed blades. "The guy's dressed up as the Celtic Guardian and wearing garbage! He's obviously insane!" 

Ryou gave Malik a reproachful look. "Insane or misunderstood?" he said sagely.

"Insane." Malik replied a little too meekly. Ryou was looking at him with such kindness and sincerity in his eyes that the fair-haired Egyptian was finding it hard to resist those chocolaty pools of innocence. "And besides," he continued desperately. "Your yami said no more talking to strangers!"

"Oh phooey to Bakura!" Ryou pouted. "If I want to go and cheer up depressed, lonely cosplayers then that's my choice!"

With that, Ryou turned on his heel and headed over to the unsuspecting card spirit. 

#*#*#*#

"Excuse me, excuse me!"

The Celtic Guardian jumped at the sound of the sweet voice that rang across to him from the direction of the lake. The cautious warrior had been keeping an eye out for any sign of the Dark Magician so the sudden call had startled him. His heart beating furiously, the Celtic Guardian spun round to see two boys, a pale one with long white hair and a pleasant smile who was waving excitedly to him and a dark skinned one with blonde hair who was trailing behind and wearing an expression of immense frustration.  The Celtic Guardian was too busy puzzling over how these two humans could see him that he overlooked the air of familiarity about them. It wasn't until they were face to face that the Celtic Guardian realised to his dismay that he had seen these two before with none other than Yugi. The Celtic Guardian turned to run when he was stopped by Ryou's caring voice asking if he was lost. The Celtic Guardian stared back at the shorter boy at a loss of what to say. They may have somehow been able to see through his disguise but they certainly didn't seem to recognise him. It was Malik's impatient sigh that drew the bewildered warrior from his thoughts and forced him to answer. 

"I'm sorry?" he managed to say eventually.

"You look lonely." Ryou informed him simply. "Are you lost?"

"Er… sort of." The Celtic Guardian replied vaguely. He was still confused as to how these two boys were able to see him. 

"Oh." Ryou sighed sympathetically. "Maybe we can help you!" This remark was met with a dark look from the other boy. "Where are you headed?"

The Celtic Guardian shook his head "I'm not too sure." He admitted feebly "I'm just sort of… wandering."

Ryou's face lit up at the sound of this. "Oh! So you have nothing to do?!" he beamed brightly. "In that case you can help us!"

Before the Celtic Guardian could even respond to this, he found himself once again being reluctantly dragged by the arm; this time to a large, ominous black sign with the words "Seishirou-san's Boating Experience" printed on it in big white letters with a rather annoyed Egyptian protesting the whole way. 

"You see," Ryou continued to explain as they reached the sign, "That's why we need one more person."

The Celtic Guardian looked reluctantly out at the lake then turned his yellow eyes back onto the pleading face of Ryou. Dispite his hatred of water, the Celtic Guardian found it impossible to resist those large chocolaty pools of innocence and so, half-heartedly, agreed to accompany them. Ryou jumped for joy and glomped the confused Celtic Guardian happily. He then turned his attention to a rather irked-looking Malik.

"Will you do the honours?" he asked the Egyptian sweetly.

Malik twitched irritably but complied by taking out his wallet and handing over some money to the tall man wearing sun glasses and standing by the sign who then pointed to one of the boats tied to the bank. 

"Don't we need life jackets or something?" Malik asked as Ryou pushed the Celtic Guardian into the boat and then got in himself. The man in black sunglasses took a long drag from his cigarette but didn't even look at the inquiring boy let alone answer him. Malik was about to show this Seishirou-san a thing or two about common courtesy when Ryou calling him to "Come on" pulled him reluctantly away.

A few minutes later and the three of them were drifting out in the middle of the lake. The Celtic Guardian was so unsettled by the thought of there being nothing beneath him and the continual rocking of the small boat that he refused to let go of the sides of the craft which meant that Ryou and Malik were stuck with the rowing. Despite this, Malik found himself overjoyed with the fact that he was now drifting with Ryou in the middle of the lake far out of the reach of the overly possessive tomb robbing yami… even if he did have to share the experience with a deranged bin-wearing cosplayer. 

Despite Ryou's soothing words of reassurance, the Celtic Guardian refused to let go of the sides of the boat or indeed open his eyes. His nerves were still strung by the thought of the Dark Magician being around and he was starting to doubt the effectiveness of his new cloak… maybe he was wearing it wrong…

"You are perfectly safe." Ryou assured the tense elf. "If you open your eyes now you can see our yamis on the bank over there."

The Celtic Guardian's ears pricked at this familiar word. These two had yamis, of course! Somehow that must be why these two could see him and come to think of it, the guy Malik handed the money over to didn't seem to be aware at all to the presence of a battle-ready elf standing before him. Feeling a lot safer already, the Celtic Guardian opened his eyes and gently loosened his grip on the sides of the boat. Just then, a giant eagle-like bird landed on the Celtic Guardian's knee causing the elf to start with fright. The condescending laugh of Seishirou-san leaning against the sign could be heard echoing across the lake as the small boat capsized spilling its occupants into the icy waters. The Celtic Guardian struggled to remain on the surface but his heavy armour continued to pull him down further into the murky depths of the lake until, gradually, his vision faded to black.  


	4. Revolution

**Author Notes:**

(LB: That ending! You…you…fiend!) *pokes LB in the ribs* (LB: *growls*) Eeeeheeeheeee. Well that was enjoyable ^^ Oh, my poor little CG-san… what a predicament I've left you in… 

Anyway thanks to all of you who have read Cannon Fodder this far and an extra thanky swanky to all you who have reviewed. New reviews make me feel all squishy inside. I like feeling squishy ^^

(LB: erm…erm…) *glares at LB* What is it now? (LB: Can I help you with this chapter?) Huh? (LB: Please pleeeeease!!! Pick me!!!) *blinks* But… (LB: You can't tell me what you plan to happen in this chapter then expect me NOT to want to help!) Why not? (LB: Because…because…*bursts into tears* I wanna help! *sniffs*) Ergh… *pats LB on the back* fine, you can help… (LB: Yaaaaay!!) *shakes head* On with the fic! 

**Extra Note:** Oh yes. This should have gone in my previous chappie but Bin Liner = Garbage Bag. Please excuse my crazy English terms. [I call Television Remotes "Poke Boxes" O__O (LB: Why not call it a Jab Box?) Quiet you!] As for the birdy that landed on CG-san, that was a Tokyo Babylon reference. 

**Disclaimer: **insert witty comment about TM and LB not owning YuGiOh

**Chapter 4** by The Muffin and Lightning Baron

The Celtic Guardian didn't know how long he had been under the water for but the next thing he knew he was being lifted out of the freezing depths, bin liner and all, by some unseen force. The spluttering elf landed on the bank with a soggy thud, his helmet and sword clattering to the ground close beside him. He was half drowned and soaked to the skin but fortunately his armour was made out of Elvin metals so he at least wouldn't have to worry about rust. Shame that didn't stop the leather torso from excessively increasing in weight though. The Celtic Guardian stopped coughing up the contents of the lake from his lungs so that he could look up and see who his saviour was. Through the gaps in his blond hair, which at this point hung damply over his face and obscured most of his vision, he saw the hauntingly familiar sight of two purple boots and the bottom end of a green staff resting lightly on the ground. The Celtic Guardian's intake of breath hissed sharply; he knew exactly what this meant. With cat-like agility, he sprang to his feet and sure enough, the tall, stoic form of the high level spellcaster loomed in front of him, one arm clutching the green staff and the other hanging loosely by his side, staring unblinkingly into the bright eyes of the Celtic Guardian. As the anxious warrior gazed back into those cold blue eyes, he realised that the time for running and hiding was over. No matter where he went, the Dark Magician seemed capable of relocating his prey and the Celtic Guardian's newly obtained cloak had proven to be ineffective against the strengths of this powerful mage. He would either have to admit defeat and go willingly back to Yugi, or he could take a chance and fight. 

The Celtic Guardian shot a troubled glance back out across the lake where he saw a rather disgruntled Malik pulling Ryou up onto the far bank. Their yamis had stopped harassing the two old ladies when they saw the boat capsize and were now intent on taking the last of their energy out on the shaded owner of the boats who, like with Malik, regarded them with little to no interest as he took another drag on his cigarette. 

_"They'll be fine…"_ the Celtic Guardian thought with relief as he turned his attention back to the Dark Magician who had neither moved or taken his eyes off of the Celtic Guardian since he had somehow pulled him out of the lake. 

The elf knew that he had no real choice but to take on the superior dark card however he didn't want to risk a confrontation so close to the two people who had attempted to show him a little kindness. He would have to take the battle elsewhere. With grim determination, the Celtic Guardian ripped the shiny black cloak from around his neck (he wasn't going to need it anymore and it would only work to hinder him) and flung it forcefully to the ground. This action managed to invoke a slight raising of the eyebrows from the Dark Magician but nothing more. 

"If you want me then you are going to have to catch me first!" the Celtic Guardian declared defiantly before rushing off in the direction of the park exit. The Dark Magician stared thoughtfully after his fleeing prey for a few minutes then gave chase. 

The Celtic Guardian burst through the gates to the park at top speed, nearly knocking over an elaborately dressed high school girl, and sprinted down the mildly congested street that lead to the Centre of Domino. 

"The Pharaoh's ever faithful lapdog as usual!" the Celtic Guardian spat as the sound of surprised shouts and curses confirmed that the Dark Magician was not far behind. 

The Celtic Guardian continued on, ignoring the disapproving looks of the people he passed, not daring to look back, not wanting to go back. Gradually, the sound of pursuit began to fade yet still the Celtic Guardian ran. After a few more minutes, the tiring warrior dared to look back and his heart leapt with jubilation at the absence of purple and green. Without a second thought, the near exhausted elf turned sharply down a small alleyway to his left. Even if the Dark Magician was still following him, the Celtic Guardian's eyes were much sharper than that of any human so if he couldn't see the Dark Magician then the human mage had no chance of seeing his change in direction. However, the Celtic Guardian's joy was cut short by a large brick wall. The force of the collision sent the startled elf flying backwards, landing heavily on his rear. Cursing his stupidity, the Celtic Guardian picked up his dislodged helmet and scrambled shakily to his feet. The shaken elf regarded the wall that blocked his way scrupulously. It was high and there were a few footholds that would have been easily overlooked by a normal person, but the Celtic Guardian doubted that even he, with his extra strength and agility, would be able to scale this wall while bearing the weight of all his armour. The Celtic Guardian put on his helmet, flattening down his windswept hair, and cursed darkly under his breath. He did not like the way things were going. It was only a matter of time before the Dark Magician found him, the elf had no doubt about that, and the confined alleyway would give the experienced magic user a distinct advantage. The warrior looked up at the wall despairingly. Without his armour, the elf's muscular yet light frame would have gotten over the obstacle easily, but he was going to need all of his armour to protect himself against the Dark Magician's physical spells. Climbing the wall seemed out of the question. 

A cold chill suddenly shot through the Celtic Guardian's body and he knew instantly that he was now out of time. He ceased examining the wall and turned around slowly. Sure enough, framed in the entrance to the alleyway and blocking the elf's last possible means of escape, stood the Dark Magician, his eyes and face emotionless and cold as always. Although the Celtic Guardian had suspected that it was the Dark Magician's presence he had felt, his heart felt as though it had tried to burst out of his chest the moment the two spirits' eyes met. A deafening silence filled the alleyway as the two cards continued their face off, neither taking their eyes off of the other. The tension and silence continued to grow until at last the Celtic Guardian couldn't take anymore. The silence made him notice the heavy feeling in his chest all the more. He had to break it. 

"What do you want, sorcerer!" the elf demanded holding his sword defensively in front of him; the bell-like voice betraying his fear with each soft syllable sounded.   

The Dark Magician continued to stare at the cornered spirit, his stern, haunting face unchanged, his blue eyes unblinking. The Celtic Guardian swallowed under the ever-imposing glare of the 7-stared opponent. The trapped elf shuffled nervously as he felt that piercing stare bore right into his very soul making him feel exposed and vulnerable. 

"If you are here to take me back to that damn Pharaoh you'd better think again!" he tried again; fortunately his voice sounding a lot less feeble than with his first challenge. 

The Dark Magician's countenance remained unchanged. Then, with one swift fluid hand movement, the Celtic Guardian's sword was wrenched from his hand by an invisible force, the same force that had pulled him from the depths of the lake, and clattered loudly on the ground behind the purple clad magician. The startled elf let out an involuntary squeak as the Dark Magician took a step closer to him and backed further against the wall. The elvern warrior inwardly cursed himself for his cowardice; now it had come to it, he couldn't bring himself to fight back against the experienced mage. The Dark Magician took another slow step towards the helpless elf who instinctively raised his arms to cover his face as he prepared himself for the inevitable blow… 

The Celtic Guardian squeezed his eyes shut as he felt the breath of air on his face that meant the Dark Magician had stopped close to him. The elf's arm flinched as he felt a hand grasp it gently, and his lip trembled as his arms were slowly pulled down away from his face. He shuddered again when the same hand moved up to remove his helm and was placed, with a small clunk, on the ground beside him. The Celtic Guardian didn't understand…why wasn't the Dark Magician attacking? Yelling at him for disobeying his master…

The Dark Magician bent his head and placed his lips close to the Celtic Guardian's ear.

"Fionn…why did you run away…?" he whispered softly. The Celtic Guardian's eyes snapped open in shock. Only a few people knew his real name, and he never recalled ever telling the Dark Magician. Fionn slowly turned to look at the face that was hovering near his.

"How…?" he breathed. The blue eyed mage almost seemed to smile as he straightened up though the elf wasn't sure if he had merely imagined that or not,

"I have known for a while, Fionn…don't be alarmed" the magician spoke, as he laid a finger on Fionn's face and felt him flinch, "You're jumpy, aren't you?"

A joke? From the Dark Magician? Fionn slapped the pale hand away,

"You…you would be jumpy too! After being chased and thinking you were going to be killed for leaving!!" he yelled, trying desperately to provoke the dark mage. The spellcaster's present mood was scaring him, he didn't understand why he was touching him like he was, or the feeling he was getting when he did it.

The Dark Magician clasped Fionn's hand and held it close to his chest and shut his eyes,

"…kill you indeed…I would never lay a harmful finger upon you…" he said softly.

The startled elf blinked in confusion "Well…why don't you just leave me alone then?!" Fionn retorted, glancing at his hand upon the Mage's chest,

"I could never do that. I was worried about you, that is why I followed you…and…"

Fionn scowled, "And…?"

"And…I had to get away. It was a good excuse to run away myself..." he stated simply, opening his cool blue eyes once more. Fionn was dumbstruck. The wondrous Dark Magician? Run away?!

"So I'm just an excuse?! Just another sacrifice…just another diversion...is that all I'm worth?!" he cried desperately, wrenching his hand away from the Mage and spinning round to face the wall. That last statement had cut him deep and he did not want to know why. "..Am I so…useless?" he sobbed.

The Dark Magician sighed and fumbled for the buckles that held on Fionn's armour. Closing his slender fingers about the fastenings, he undid them and laid his armour to one side, along with his helm. 

"What do you want…leave me alone…" Fionn moaned, still facing the wall, trying hard not to shudder every time the Dark Magician's soothing touch touched his body. Despite having his back to the powerful card, the mystified Warrior could still feel those piercing blue eyes focused on him like they so often were.

"Can't you see what I want?" the Dark Mage breathed softly, gently turning Fionn around so he was once again facing him… The Celtic Guardian stared into those deep mystical eyes and shook his head slowly. 

"I want you…" he whispered. Fionn's went wide with shock as the Dark Mage bent down and brushed his lips over his, making them tingle.

"I-I---I don't understand…." Fionn croaked. 

The Mage cooed softly to him and wiped his tears away, "It's simple. I hate the attention... I can never get away from it. I want to see you, Fionn, but I can't. I'm always being dogged by one of the Pharaoh's lackeys. I can see you, the hate in your eyes, and I hate myself for not trying hard enough. I can't tell them to shut up and go away, there'd be hell to pay. So I watch you, sitting alone polishing your sword…or repairing your armour… I have watched you so much… when I saw you leave I realised that I needed to act… the Pharaoh is just going to have to do without us for a while." he looked away as he finished and a moment of uncomfortable silence ensued.

"Y-You…love...me..?" The Celtic Guardian stuttered suddenly.

The Dark Magician looked back and look deep into the yellow orbs of the smaller spirit "Yes…I do….." 

"..you really love me?!" trying his hardest to keep his voice calm. 

"…yes….I do…."

"But…I thought… I thought everybody hated me… no one spoke to me much… 'sept the Mystical Elf… and the Gemini twins… but… but…" Fionn rambled on,

"…That's because… I wouldn't let them…" the Dark Magician confessed not removing his gaze from the elf's eyes "I knew they'd say nasty things to you. I wanted to protect you. I didn't want you to get upset… so I told them not to… that they'd have me to answer to if they hurt you in any way. I asked the Mystical Elf to inform me if you were sad… and it was her who told me your name. I said I needed to know... I needed to prove… I love you…"

Fionn's eyes went wide and they glistened with new tears. Sobbing, for the second time in five minutes, he pressed himself to the Dark Mage's chest and hugged him tight. Taken back at first, the Mage looked down at the trembling form clutching tightly to his chest. Then he smiled and hugged the Celtic Guardian close, resting his pale cheek on the soft blond head and shutting his eyes. They stayed like that for a while, drinking in the feeling of each other, bathing in the other's warmth, until the Dark Magician pulled the smaller form away and lifted up the smooth chin to once again look into those beautiful yellow eyes,

"Do you know why it is forbidden to cards to leave the deck?"  
The Celtic Guardian averted his eyes from the Dark Magician's sombre gaze and looked at the ground sheepishly,  
"To be honest I... I just thought it was because you..."

Fionn gasped as the dark haired sorcerer traced a pale finger over the purple markings on the elf's face,

"I thought as much…" the mage sighed as he dragged his lips across Fionn's forehead, brushing aside the golden locks. Fionn began to tremble as the Mage bent down to kiss him once again, his lips gently playing and caressing that of the timid elf's. Fionn whimpered slightly as the Mage moved round to nuzzle his earlobe, his gentle breath making the hairs on his neck stand on end. Fionn hesitated slightly, then snaked his armed beneath that of the Dark Mages and pulled him close, snuggling into his warm chest and whimpering like a content puppy.

"As simple and as clichéd as it sounds it was for you. Not everyone in the Pharaoh's world is learned in the ways of Shadow Magic. Most are ignorant… and a great deal of them are barbaric and cruel… more so than any card in any deck. Surprisingly not much has changed since those days in Egypt…" The Dark Magician trailed off for a moment lost in his own thoughts until a sudden hiccup emanating from the precious elf clutched to his chest awoke him from his deepest memories. "Anyway…" he continued seriously "Despite our strengths, not one of us alone is capable of withstanding against the combined evils of mankind… You understand?"

The golden haired elf said nothing but nodded his head to let the magician know he understood although he was slightly confused. Everyone he had met on the outside had been nothing but kind and considerate to him but he allowed himself to trust the Dark Magician's gentle voice. 

"There is another reason…" The dark mage bent his head close to Fionn's ear again, pushing his soft golden hair aside gently, "Our master has grown over confident" the dark mage breathed into Fionn's pointed ear as he continued to stroke Fionn's back soothingly, adoring every coo and whine that emanated from the softly trembling body, "He's forgotten one of the most basic ideals. The ideal that every card, no matter what their ability or strength, make up his deck"

Fionn nodded into the Mages chest and snuggled deeper. The mage chuckled and ruffled Fionn's hair,

"I haven't forgotten how important every card is, or indeed how important you are, Fionn... I realise now you're the most important thing in my life, do you understand?" the Dark Magician said softly, raising Fionn's chin up so he could look into his eyes. Again, Fionn nodded and tried to re-bury himself, but the mage stopped him and began tracing a finger over his face markings again. The Celtic Guardian gasped as he saw a faint smile form across the mage's lips. A smile he realised was his and his alone. A smile that he would treasure always. The rush of emotions that suddenly filled the warrior's body proved too much for him. His head fell forwards, the blond curtains obscuring his face as his shoulders began to tremble. The Dark Magician cocked his head to one side slightly as Fionn began to ramble slightly again, though he couldn't understand a word he was saying at all this time. finally, Fionn made an attempt to grab the Mage again, but failed and instead sank to his knees on the dirty floor and began to cry. The Dark Magician's heart ached as he knelt down next to the hyperventilating form, the elf's hands were clamped over his mouth in an attempt to try and stifle the desperate gasps of air that he so desperately needed.

"Fionn…"

The Dark Magician rested his hand gently on the blond head and held the emotional elf close to him, hushing him gently and stroking the silk like hair soothingly. They remained like that for some time, the two spirits isolated in the deserted alley lost in one another's emotions.

Finally, once the Celtic Guardian's tears had been replaced by a few stifled but satisfied sobs, the Dark Magician rested a hand gently on the darker cheek of the elf, his subject releasing a deep sigh under the gentle touch…

"Now my friend," the calm, alluring voice cooed suddenly wiping the last few stains of emotion from the elf's cheeks "Shall we solidify our new found friendship with the time honoured tradition?"

The Celtic Guardian looked up into the cool blue eyes of the Spellcaster "You don't mean…gratuitous Anzu bashing?"

The Dark Magician's lips curled in rare smile "That's exactly what I mean." 

The Celtic Guardian's eyes widened into two glistening yellow pools of joy "You are so cool!" the delighted elf gasped as he snuggled his face deep into the Dark Magician's chest.

The Dark Magician flashed another rare smile as he looked down on his smaller companion cradled in his arms. 

"Let's go home, Fionn" he breathed softly. "Together."


	5. Nonsense

**Author notes:**

Well here we are. The **final **chapter. This will be my first ever completed fanfic! Personally I think chappie 4 ending was a nice place to finish but ending there would involve LB disembowling me so here's a nice little - hopefully humorous but at the least darn right tasteless - chappie to finish the fic off.  

**Extra note:** _Implied_ yaoi, shounen ai (LB: yes, that's Guy/Guy love for those of you who didn't know), some bad language, Anzu bashing and some mild Yugi bashing. All in good honest fun I assure you. Except for the Anzu bashing. I hate her. (LB: Here's an idea. If you've seen the Japanese first series of Yugioh, imagine Yugi speaking in that voice - so much fun!) I have to agree. Anyway, on with the fic!

**Disclaimer: **TM does not own YuGiOh but does own this fic and that twisted little imagination kept in the rusty little box at the bottom of the cupboard underneath those peculiarly placed Rurouni Kenshin action figures.

**Chapter 5 - **Nonsense by The Muffin and Lightning Baron

"Hey Yu---ugi!" a shrill and glass shattering voice squealed over the distance "I got your letter about wanting to have a friendly, playful duel with me!"

The radish haired boy looked up from his stalemate chess game with Yami to see the figure of Anzu ambling her way towards him waving a blue piece of paper above her head. Yami took this as a signal to quickly retreat into his soul room and out of annoyances way. 

"My letter?" Yugi said in his childlike voice looking positively confused "But… but I got your letter…"

"My letter?" Anzu said airily.

"Yes… your letter." The tri-colour haired boy replied with a slight hint of a frustrated sigh "Here take a look. It even has glitter and sparkles glued on to it."

Anzu's eyes widened as Yugi held up the glittery mass of illegible writing for her to see. With lightning-fast speed, she snatched the note out of Yugi's hand and clutched it tightly to her chest. 

"Aaawwww! It's so cute and sparkly and and… friendly! Let me keep it Yugi, to remind us of our friendship that I love so much, pleeeeease!"

Yugi stared at the hyperactive friendship... _thing_ blankly for a second; there was a time when this sort of interaction would make him blush from ear to ear but he had gotten to know her a bit more since then. The little Mutou laughed nervously "Well I don't really have much of a choice…"   

"Oh thank you!" Anzu wrapped her arms around the shorter boy's stomach and squeezed him relentlessly.

Yugi's face began to turn blue as the constricting embrace only tightened 

"Just think of the panties… just think of the panties…" he gasped between breaths.

Somewhere within the confines of the little Mutou's mind, Yami shook his head distastefully.

Finally, Yugi managed to squirm free from the noxious hold and fell backwards onto the floor trying to catch his breath. "But still." He muttered when at last his normal, unrestrained breathing had returned to him, "If you didn't send this letter, and I didn't send that letter, then who…?"

"Who cares? Let's d-d-d-d-duel!!"

A large sweat drop rolled down the side of Yugi's disturbed face as he watched the squeaky imitation bounce around obstinately before him, oblivious to the hushed giggling that emanated from deep within his deck.

#*#*#*#

It took some time for the duelling arena to be set up. Personally Yugi thought the tall blue structure to be perfectly adequate for their 'friendly' duel but Anzu had insisted on redecorating it with ribbons and smiley stickers before she would even step onto the duelling platform. She had also insisted on having the others there to cheer them on in the spirit of 'true friendship and happiness!!'. Malik, Marik, Ryou, Bakura and Joey had all turned up, being unable to think of an excuse quick enough to get away, and were now seated around the blue metallic structure looking unbelievably bored. 

"First that boat freak and now this!" Bakura muttered bitterly rubbing the still tender bruise on the back of his head. "What else can make this day suck?" Ryou rolled his eyes. He had had to listen to his yami's ranting and ravings non-stop since they had barely escaped from the park that afternoon with their lives, the boat guy went nutso after Marik carelessly knocked his cigarette out of his hands and tried to suffocate them all with flowers, and the white haired hikari's patience was starting to wear thin. 

"Stupid Tristin" Joey muttered darkly beneath the constant complaints of Bakura, and Malik telling Marik to stop touching him there. "How dare he steal my haemorrhoids excuse!"

"Now, let's just be sure to have fun!" Yugi smiled at Anzu as he placed his deck down on the predefined area.

"And if you win I will still wuv you because you're my friend!" she squealed back across the field from her position on the opposing raised platform.

"What do you mean _if_ I win?" the young voice of Yugi retorted suddenly maturing and growing deeper as his yami took possession of his young body. 

Anzu stared and the slightly changed boy blankly for a few minutes until finally a vague gleam of recognition crept across her oversized eyes 

"Oooooh Yami, my love!" She squealed, "How I missed you so!"

"What do you mean 'missed me'?" Yami snapped "I've been here the whole time you stupid bint! And don't call me your love!"

"Take your kit off!" Marik called out suddenly. 

Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at Marik in disgust.

Anzu blushed and then giggled. "Oh Marik, I cant do that you little silly, you!"

Marik jumped back with a start and pulled a face that could have curdled cream as he shook his Millenium Rod threateningly at the misunderstood girl. 

"Eeeww! I wasn't talking to you! I was talking to Yami!" 

Bakura didn't know which was worse and he expressed this opinion in every way other than discrete. Ryou blushed bright red and tried to hide the offending marks behind his hands while Malik cackled insanely and Joey continued to snore loudly.

Yami ignored the spectators' outbursts and focused his attention back on the duel. 

Yami studied his hand, ahh, he had his favourite card; the Dark Magician. Also the Horn of Heaven, the Winged Dragon Guardian of the Fortress, Feral Imp… and the Celtic Guardian…

"Hmmmm… if I put the Celtic Guardian out combined with the Horn of Heaven trap; I can get rid of one of her monsters…" he muttered quietly.

The Celtic Guardian twitched his long slender ears and winced.

"Ooohh Yami-poo's! Who's going first, shall I? Oooo! I have _suuuch_ a cute monster I can put out!" the brain damaged friendship whore called over the arena.

"Yami-poo's?! Yami-POO'S? What the hell?! Are you ill or something?!" Malik called out, leaping to his feet and waving his fist at her. Anzu put her hand to her mouth and waved her other hand at the hysterical Egyptian.

"Teehehehehehe… silly" she giggled. Malik fell over backwards onto Ryou, and received a thump from Marik, who was mumbling something about a 'little Egyptian slut'

"Ok, you go first" Yami sighed, and watched as the deranged _thing_ danced about in utter joy.

"Oh, oo… goody! Then for my first move, I lay the Shining Friendship in attack mode, this card is like all of us Yami, we are bound by…"

All of the spectators and Yami fell asleep for the fifteen minute friendship speech, the spacky bitch continued oblivious to the fact that Joey was happily cuddling his Seto plushie, Ryou and Bakura were leaning against each other fast asleep, Marik and Malik… had disappeared…

"…and that's why it cannot loose!" Anzu screamed triumphantly. Yami snapped out of his slumber and put his game face on again.

"Hmph… Winged Dragon Guardian of the Fortress!! In attack mode!!!!!!" Yami yelled in an unnecessarily loud voice. Anzu looked openly hurt when the big blue dragon trounced her green blob of friendshipy doom.

"Yaaaamiiiiiiiiii!! That was meaaaan!!" Anzu blubbered. Marik and Malik had re-appeared, somewhat red in the face, and had sat down next to Bakura, who eyed them with suspicion.

Anzu then took about fifteen minutes to think of what to do next. Ryou had left to get some food for the rest of the group and the remaining posse passed the time by playing eye spy.

"I spy with my little eye something beginning with 'S'" Marik said in a bored tone, crossing his arms.

"Uuhhhh… seats?"

"Nope"

"…stands!"

"Nope"

"Stadium? Soda… socks… shades?"

"Naaaa---wwwww" the nutty yami said. 

"Slapper? Slut? Slag?" Ryou announced loudly, emerging with crisps, coke, chocolate and burgers. Everybody's jaw dropped at the seemingly innocent Ryou. Bakura beamed, he seemed to be rubbing off on his light.

"Yeeeess!!" Marik yelled, leapt up and proceeded to hug Ryou to death. 

Meanwhile, Anzu had finally made a decision, the cogs in her head making a huge clicking sound…

"I play this in defence… and end my turn"

Everybody fell over backwards. 

"What?! That's your move? All that time for THAT??!!! BAKA ONNA!!" screamed Malik through the mouth full of crisps. Yami clambered up and regained his composure. He drew a card. 

"Ahhhhh… Soul Exchange… now I can summon my Dark Magician" He sneered to himself.

"For my move, first ill play the Celtic Guardian, in attack mode!" he laid the card on the readers surface and the armoured elf was summoned to the field. The blonde haired warrior looked about him; he knew exactly what his git of a master intended to do… so did everyone else for that matter.

"Then I play the magic card Soul Exchange!"

Anzu looked more clueless than she normally did… if that was possible, so Yami explained it to her;

"Soul Exchange allows me to sacrifice one of your monsters in place of my own, and considering I need two to bring out the powerful monster in my hand, your face down creature will do fine."

Anzu blinked and then leapt on the front of her podium;

"You can't do that!! The rules say you can only summon once per turn!!" she raged. Yami and Anzu then proceeded to scream the rules to each other, the decibel level getting higher and higher until Bakura could stand it no longer.

"Will you two shut UP!? For Ra's sake!!" he stood up and bellowed; "The rules state that you can only normal summon once per turn, but you can special summon as many times as you want! And using Soul Exchange, or any other magic card to summon, or to aid summon is considered a special summon! Therefore he can do it, you stupid prostitute!!"

"Thank you tomb robber, for a mome…"

"And as for you, you can shut up as well!! Its bad enough I have to sit here and watch you two pathetic twits duel anyway when I could be doing much more interesting things such as… gaaaah!" the completely insane Bakura was silenced by Ryou dragging him down and sitting on him. Ryou grinned sheepishly and signalled for Yami to continue, ignoring the babbling yami he was squashing.

"Bakuuuuuura!!" Anzu whined dramatically. "It's obvious that you need a lesson in friendship!"

Bakura's eyes widened in horror. What had he done! The dark glares from his fellow companions, with the exception of Joey who was now sleep rolling on the floor with his Seto plushie, confirmed what the Tomb Robber had indeed done. The next hour was not one to be forgotten easily….

1 Hour later…

"…And I know that as long as we all have friendship in our hearts and love by our sides we will still be friends no matter what the outcome!" 

"Argh! I can't take it anymore!" Malik screamed as he suddenly appeared from under the stands and lifted a surprised Ryou above his head. "You guys can sit around here and listen to that dribbling friendship crap if you want but personally I'd rather be teaching my little friend here a few friendly tricks of my own!" With that, Malik cackled and bolted off still carrying the flustered Ryou above his head. 

Bakura lunged for the fleeing Egyptian but fell short "Hey! Give me back my hikari, you sick bastard!" Bakura screamed as he immediately took chase after the randy Egyptian and his new toy.  

Marik glanced at the disappearing trio then back at the duel. 

"What?!!" 

The insane yami shot up and darted after the others "Hey wait for me! No fair! You can't have all the fun!"

Yami watched the whole group, with the exception of the sleep-frolicking Joey, run off into the distance and blinked, his attention drawn away from the signalling monster card he held in his hand

 "Okay… er… As I said, I use Soul Exchange; sacrifice the Celtic Guardian and your face down monster to summon…."

"Hooold it right there, 'Master'!" the Celtic Guardian announced suddenly. Turning to face Yami, he planted his sword into the ground and leant on it.

Anzu stared at the free moving form of the Celtic Guardian trying to comprehend what was going on. At last she thought she understood. "You're breaking the rules!" she screeched pointing accusingly at Yami and the spirit. "I can't do that so you must be breaking the rules! You cheater! Cheater! Cheater! CHEATER!"

"Will you please SHUT UP?!" Yami snapped at the girl then glared back at the Celtic Guardian. "I don't know what you think you are doing, Celtic Guardian, but it stops now!" 

The Celtic Guardian stood his ground and said nothing.

"Ya---miii! What's going on?!"

"SHUT UP! Celtic Guardian, get back into your card!"

"No!" the Celtic Guardian stated defiantly. 

 "Don't make me force you!" Yami warned clutching the puzzle around his neck for emphasis as the distinct glowing third eye began to appear on his forehead. 

"Don't even think about it." A third voice warned.

Yami blinked as a card in his hand began to glow with a pale light and then the tall, imposing form of the Dark Magician materialised on the playing field, standing tall between the angered duellist and the rebel elvern warrior. 

"Dark Magician?!" Yami gasped in disbelief "What do you think you are doing?! Get back into your card right now! I command you!"

"I'm afraid I cannot do that." 

"Ya---miiii! I'm scared!"

"You what?" Yami asked aghast ignoring Anzu completely. 

"I can no longer stand idly by and watch you sacrifice Fionn for your empty victories." The Dark Magician replied simply. 

Yami stared at his most prized card in disbelief "Fionn?"

"We have a lot to discuss." the mage continued calmly ignoring the confused look on Yami's face. "But first…"

The Dark Magician raised a hand towards the panicking girl on the opposing platform and instantly she was lifted 5 feet off of the floor with a petrified shriek. His face remaining in that well practised emotionless expression, the Dark Magician swayed his pale hand slightly causing the terrified girl to shake about violently with a shrill scream. 

The Celtic Guardian stood between his koi and Master and raised his sword ready to fend off any assault the Pharaoh would dare to execute. However, to his surprise, Yami didn't make any attempt to stop the scene before him. In fact, the ancient Pharaoh just stood there on his platform, his arms folded loosely across his chest, the once confused and angered expression replaced with one of mild amusement.  

The two card spirits looked at the stationary form of the Pharaoh in bemusement. 

"..Aren't you going to even attempt to stop us?" the Celtic Guardian asked lowering is sword slightly.

"When I'm good and ready" Yami shrugged. "You just keep going for now… while I… er… think of a way to stop you."

The Dark Magician grinned knowingly as he gave Anzu another mid air shake provoking a guttural scream from the terrified teen. To be honest he wasn't at all surprised that Yami couldn't stand this whinny little friendship witch either; the pitch of her voice alone was enough to drive any sane person over the edge.

With his free hand, the sorcerer held out his renowned green staff to the Celtic Guardian. "Will you do the honours, Fionn?" he asked coolly with a slight inclination of his head.

The Celtic Gurdian looked at the staff with disbelief at first then took it with a smile. "I would be delighted." The elf bowed then he turned to face the hovering, snivelling girl.

"Wait a minute!" the Dark Magician said suddenly.

The Celtic Guardian stopped and turned to face the mage, a quizzical look on his painted face. 

"Come here a second." The Dark Magician commanded gently, waving the elven warrior over with his free hand. Obediently the Celtic Guardian walked over to his fellow card spirit.

Still keeping Anzu floating with his right hand, the purple clad spellcaster conjured up an elegant piece of purple silk and held it out to his companion. "Don't forget your blindfold." He said, his expression remaining serious. 

"You are too kind." The Celtic Guardian grinned as he took the cloth and tied it tightly over his eyes. Carefully, he raised the staff and edged his way over to where he remembered Anzu to be, his long ears proving in be very handy in pin pointing her exact position. 

Anzu's pathetic blubbering could be heard clearly over each swing of the green staff and the loud snores of Joey who, despite all the chaos, was still cuddled up peacefully with his Seto plushie, oblivious to everything. The Celtic Guardian swung the staff repeatedly with well trained accuracy however, whenever the staff went to make contact with the now completely hysterical girl, she would be lifted out of the way at the very last minute so she could just feel the air pressure from the powerful strike brush lightly against her skin causing her to wince and squirm desperately.

The Celtic Guardian stopped what he was doing, pulled the blindfold from his eyes and shot a reproachful look at the Dark Magician. "No fair! I can sense what you are doing!" he complained pointing an accusing finger at the mage. "Moving it is cheating!"

The magician chuckled slightly. "I'm sorry, Fionn. I promise I'll keep it still from now on."

With a satisfied nod of his head, the Celtic Guardian placed the blindfold back over his golden eyes then focused his attention back on the vaguely sentient piñata suspended above him.  

Just then, Marik, Malik, Bakura and Ryou returned from their little venture; the yamis looking rather pleased with themselves, Malik walking a little behind his three companions pouting somewhat and Ryou looking very flustered indeed. Marik suddenly came to a halt when he saw the scene being played out on the duel arena and stared at it wide-eyed. Taken by surprise, his companions collided into the back of the gaping yami and they all crashed unceremoniously to the floor in a muddled heap. Cursing loudly, Bakura pushed the others off of him and scrambled to his feet. 

"You deranged idiot!" he raged glaring daggers at Marik who was making the most of having two hikaris sprawled across him. "What in Set's name did you do that for??" 

Casually, Marik pointed his rod in the direction of the arena and, with an irritated growl, Bakura followed his gaze. It was now his turn to stand gob smacked staring at the two spirits using Anzu as a make shift punching bag.

"Why look, Malik!" Ryou exclaimed excitedly. "It's our cosplaying friend from the park!"

Malik brushed himself down then raised an eyebrow at the scene before him. "Somehow I get the feeling he isn't a cosplayer…" he mused as his gaze fell upon the Dark Magician holding Anzu up in the air with his magic. 

"Mr Cosplayer!" Ryou yelled taking off at top speed towards the arena. "Hey! Mr Cosplayer!"

The Celtic Guardian stopped what he was doing and removed his blindfold as he heard the familiar voice calling to him. He smiled pleasantly as he saw the form of Ryou rushing towards him followed closely by an aversive Malik, very similar to when they had first met. 

"Hello again." Ryou panted as he struggled to climb up onto the playing field eventually winning a helpful boost up from Malik who couldn't help but take pity on his struggling companion. With Malik's help, Ryou managed to pull himself up onto the playing field and stood smiling pleasantly at his old friend. "You took off without even saying goodbye, what happened to you?"

Ryou suddenly jumped with a start as an empty coke can went flying past his head and narrowly avoided hitting Anzu square on the nose. The fright caused Ryou to loose his balance and slip off of the platform but fortunately Malik was there to cushion his fall. 

"You missed her!" Marik yelled at an irked looking tomb robber. "You throw like Yugi!"

Bakura turned sharply and roughly grabbed the collar of Marik's shirt "I dare you to say that again!" he growled menacingly.

"As do I!" bellowed Yami from his safe heaven up on the duelling platform.

"Keep out of this, vegetable head!" the two insane yamis shouted in unison.  

"What was that?!!" 

As the yamis continued to fling insults at one another, the Celtic Guardian quickly glanced over the edge of the platform to see if Ryou was alright then made his way quietly over to the Dark Magician.

"The Pharaoh is a lot different to how I remember him…" the elven warrior confessed gazing at the bickering yamis.

"The last time you saw him properly was back in Egypt, was it not?" the Dark Magician inquired. The Celtic Guardian nodded.

"Being trapped in that puzzle for a millennia has certainly had its effect on him…" the mage explained coolly.

"I can tell." The elven warrior smirked. "He seems to have forgotten about us completely. I actually think I prefer him this way."

"Rather amusing, isn't it?"

"Extremely"

"Anyway, I think it's time we stopped playing with this…" the Dark Magician nodded his head towards the near exhausted and tearful form of Anzu who was struggling to protect her face from half eaten burgers flying at her courtesy of Malik who was trying to cheer up a mildly shaken Ryou. "And we started laying out your terms to our beloved master here."

Anzu dropped painfully to the floor like a lead weight as the Dark Magician quickly released her from his levitation spell and turned his attention, along with the Celtic Guardian's, to the still squabbling Yami. 

"Pharaoh…" the Celtic Guardian began. Yami continued to fling insults at the two insane yamis bellow. 

"Pharaoh…" the elf said again a little louder. Yami still paid him no attention. 

"Hey, Vegetable head!!" Everyone stopped what they were doing, including Anzu, and looked over at the Celtic Guardian.

"Erm… now that I have your attention..." the warrior said meekly feeling very self conscious all of a sudden. The Dark Magician placed a reassuring hand on the elf's shoulder infusing him with the confidence he needed. 

"Now that I have your attention." The Celtic Guardian repeated, this time his voice strong and clear. "I'm sure you are wondering what all this is about."

The card spirit took the silence that ensued as an indication that they were indeed wondering this very question. "To put it simply, I'm making a stand..."

The Celtic Guardian explained everything under the intent stare of the yamis and hikaris, his soft, bell like voice sounding the words clearly. The Dark Magician listened carefully and nodded his head with satisfaction. The look on their Master's face showed that he was being affected by Fionn's elegant speech as much as the rest of them. Even the two deranged yamis had been entranced by the elf's words and Anzu had begun blubbering again repeating the word "beautiful" over and over. The dark mage smiled in spite of himself. Things were going to be a lot different within the deck form now but one thing was for certain; the days of Cannon Fodder were over


End file.
